Preamble
We, being of sound mind, questionable judgment, and sufficient appreciation for tobacco, pipes, fellowship, and the occasional adult beverage, do hereby establish the Jackson Pipe Club for fellowship, education, recreation, and the noble tradition of sitting around doing very little while pretending to discuss tobacco.
Article IPurpose
The Club exists to promote the enjoyment of pipe smoking and pipe culture; encourage fellowship; exchange knowledge concerning pipes, tobacco, history, and technique; and provide a respectable excuse for leaving the house.
Article IIMembership
Membership is open to any person of lawful age with an interest in pipes, a willingness to tolerate other people's tobacco opinions, and a general commitment to not being insufferable.
There shall be no annual dues. Membership begins when a person declares, in good faith, that he or she is a member.
Article IIIMeetings
The Club shall meet regularly at a time and place determined by the members. Meetings may include pipes, tobacco, conversation, food, drink, educational topics, tastings, competitions, and an unreasonable amount of discussion concerning which tobacco is actually worth smoking.
No meeting shall be deemed unsuccessful merely because nothing was accomplished.
Article IVThe Country Squire
The Country Squire shall be recognized as the Official Home of the Jackson Pipe Club, subject to the continued goodwill of its proprietors and management.
Members shall conduct themselves accordingly and are encouraged to support the Squire with their patronage. Members shall resist saying, "I really don't need another pipe." Such statements are hereby recognized as demonstrably false.
Article VTobacco and Pipes
Members may enjoy whatever tobacco they prefer, provided they understand that fellow members are entitled to explain why they are wrong. No tobacco shall be universally declared "the best." Members shall likewise be free to admire, purchase, inherit, restore, and accumulate pipes without judgment, although claiming to own "enough pipes" shall be considered evidence to the contrary.
Article VICompetitions
The Club may conduct slow-smoke contests, blind tobacco identification, pipe trivia, best pipe, best estate find, best restoration, ugliest pipe, and other contests deemed necessary after sufficient tobacco has been consumed.
Results shall be considered binding unless challenged by a member who believes he should have won; such challenges may be heard and ignored at the Club's discretion.
Article VIIThe Golden Tamper
The Club may establish a traveling trophy known as The Golden Tamper.
Its holder shall possess no actual authority whatsoever, but is encouraged to behave as though he does.
Article VIIIOfficers
The Club may elect officers as necessary, including President, Vice President, Secretary, Tobacco Czar, Keeper of the Golden Tamper, or other titles deemed sufficiently important.
Officers shall receive no compensation beyond the satisfaction of serving the Club and the opportunity to use an unnecessarily impressive title.
Article IXAttendance and Amendments
Attendance shall not be mandatory.
Members who disappear for six months and suddenly return shall be welcomed without question.
This Constitution may be amended by majority vote; amendments requiring more than three meetings to discuss shall be tabled indefinitely and eventually forgotten.
Article XThe First Rule
There is no first rule.
There are only pipes, tobacco, fellowship, and the understanding that the next meeting will probably be better than the last.
